Tuesday, January 25, 2005

A sign that isn't posted at one of my job's satellite locations, but apparently (sadly) should be:

"Just because pajamas are not specifically listed among the prohibited items of clothing in the office dress code, that does not mean they are appropriate office attire."

No, I am not kidding.
A co-worker forwarded this to me in an email today:


1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)

3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball. So, it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. (Trust me, I have been using the bathroom for years.. Canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.

8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was wrong when you did it.

9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal for you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting hairball in history.

10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. And if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Monday, January 24, 2005

The King is dead. Rest in peace, Johnny!

Quote for the Day: "All of us who came after are pretenders. We will not see the likes of him again."--David Letterman on the late, great Johnny Carson.
Via the ever-brilliant Dooce, I give you sensational organisms. Or...something.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Idiotic Quote for the Day: "America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling."--George W. Bush in his second inaugural address, just before the Washington D.C. Fire Dept stepped in and extinguished his flaming trousers.

Quote for the Day: "Better than a thousand useless words is one word that gives peace."--Buddha

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Sauron lives! And, he's apparently been occupying the White House for the last four years. It's now clear that the Dems should've nominated a Hobbit to run in the election!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Word of the Day: Spaceship Porn. You'll get no explanation here, just click the link.
We're gonna have to ice skate home, 'cuz Hell just froze over! That's right, the Spanish Catholic Church has now come out and endorsed condom use as a valuable tool in fighting the spread of AIDS. Granted, it's not as monumental as if the Vatican did that, but let's face it, frozen Hell or no frozen Hell, John Paul isn't going to budge on that issue (short of God, Jesus, and the entire Heavenly Host materializing on the Vatican doorstep and ordering him to do so)!
Quote for the Day: "What’s next: Diet Low Carb Holiday Spice Ruby Red Cherry Vanilla Faygo Zero?"--Patrick, on discovering the new frankencola Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper in the fridge at work.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

As I am getting bored talking about just politics here all the time, you'll be seeing some slight content changes around here. Nothing too dramatic, I'll still talk about politics, but I'll be talking about things from my everyday life as well (variety being the spice of life, and all). Occasionally friends, acquaintanced, or co-workers will show up as the Quote for the Day (though hopefully not the Idiotic Quote for the Day!). And since I really need to start studying for the GRE's soon, I may post updates on my progress, and perhaps some of you could post comments (hint, hint) encouraging me not to slack off (trust me, I'll need it!). Since I moved the site here last March the comments section has been practically a barren wasteland, so (WARNING--more shameless comment requests!) feedback on the changes is encouraged, as well as anything else you may have to say (assuming you're not a troll or a spam-bot of course, 'cuz then I'll have to feed you to the sharks--heh, heh). If I get really ambitious, I may play with the template a bit, but that's still up in the air. Hope you like the changes; please let me know what you think!

Quote for the Day: "I think it is good, for a father and his son to go out together and do manly things, like buying feminine hygiene products. It is a bonding experience, one I will surely treasure for a long time, and bring up again when he’s older and dating.--Chuck

Idiotic Quote for the Day: "I don't agree that you need an enormous number of American troops. Saddam's army is down to one-third than it was before, and I think it would be a cakewalk."--Kenneth Adelman, Defense Policy Board, to Wolf Blitzer on CNN, 12-06-01

Monday, January 17, 2005

Quotes for the Day: Martin Luther King Jr:

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Murphy's Monday

Inspired in part by a co-worker's misfortunes, as well as Patrick's brilliant Second Monday post, I bring you Murphy's Monday. That's right, Murphy's Monday--anything that can go wrong, will go wrong...on Monday. So Happy Monday everyone, hope Murphy doesn't get you!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

In an act of compassion that would make the Dalai Lama proud, Buddhist congregation in Canada has sold its temple and donated the proceeds to help the victims of the tsunami in Asia.
The abbot of the temple in Mission, east of Vancouver, handed a cheque for 500,000 Canadian dollars (US $405,000, £219,000) to the Canadian Red Cross.

Abbot Thick Nguyen Thao told the congregation on New Year's Day that he wanted to donate the proceeds from the sale to tsunami relief.

"When the abbot made his announcement, a lot of people dropped their jaws, but after a day went by everybody began supporting him wholeheartedly," temple board member Vi Liet Nguyen told the Vancouver Sun.

The abbot said this was a gesture of gratitude to the people of Indonesia, Malaysia and the Philippines for receiving Vietnamese refugees, when they fled persecution by the communist regime in the 1970s.

Red Cross spokeswoman Carmen Mackenzie called this donation "phenomenal".
Working for Change has an extensive list of organizations that are collecting donations for the tsunami victims.